Arrr you on board for a pirate theme?

“Is it inappropriate to do my wedding vows in pirate talk?”
-Ray, Tallahassee

Brittany: I really hate that we said we’d answer every question. I’d say go for it if your guests have a good sense of humor. Hell, you could do your vows sounding like Toucan Sam.

Sarah: Bull! Who cares what your guests think! It’s your wedding.

Brittany: Well you’ll have to dress in full pirate garb or you’ll just look like a total douchenozzle who is trying to act funny, unsuccessfully.

Megan: And you must be totally wasted on rum. The aisle could be called “the plank,” and you have to throw the ring at your bride.

Brittany: What if you did the exit procession with your bride… err wench… in a headlock?

Sarah: You should also take a few memorable scenes from Pirates of the Caribbean—the ride, not the movie.

Megan: The wedding favors could be eye patches!

Brittany: But when would “Yo Ho Yo Ho a Pirate’s Life for Me” be played?

Sarah: After the ceremony I think. And you should have Ace of Cakes do the cake like the last pirate wedding they did.

Megan: The bride should probably be barefoot and pregnant. And taking shots, because let’s face it… that baby is fucked anyway.

Brittany: Is it okay that I steal this and put it in my “Wedding for the Future that Won’t Suck” file?

Megan: No. Well, okay, yes.

Sarah: So what are we saying here? It’s totally okay to give wedding vows in pirate talk as long as you’re 100% dedicated to the theme?

Megan: Yes!

Brittany: If you’re going to try to be funny, you might as well go the whole nine yards. Or nine leagues, that is.

Sarah: Bu-dump-CHING!

Megan: Any other pirate stereotypes we need to mention?
Brittany: Could there be a Jolly Roger flag instead of a cross if it’s at a church?

Sarah: Well obviously it should take place on a dinner cruise. Or a private island.

Brittany: Yeah, I think a church wedding is pretty much out of the question if you’re basically making fun of weddings. Isle Esme anyone?