If your fiancé’s family has a tradition of passing down a dress/veil/garter/piece of jewelry that clashes with what you had in mind, how do you politely refuse it without damning your entire future relationship with your in-laws?
Brittany: I’d bring the issue up with your fiancé first, so he can back you up with whatever you decide.
Megan: The bride needs to talk to them and share her vision of what she had in mind for the big day. Maybe they can compromise.
Sarah: Okay, this question is kind of difficult for me because unless this item was absolutely hideous, I would be completely honored if my soon-to-be mother-in-law asked me to wear something with lineage.
Megan: And hey, she might be lucky not having to pay major bucks for a vintage veil that some brides would die for. That is, if that’s her style.
Brittany: But for every diamond-encrusted necklace there’s a long-sleeve wedding gown lurking around the corner. Plus, the question is how to turn things down.
Sarah: The bride should sit down and be honest with them. A lot of places would tell you to fib a little or make up excuses, but why not start things off by leveling with them?
Megan: Valid pont.
Brittany: I agree. I mean, you’re going to have to deal with these people for a long time. Or a short time, I guess, if you get a quick divorce.
Sarah: Having your fiancé back you up is important, but it also might be important to carry on a family tradition, so you may need to compromise.
Brittany: I agree with what you said before. If it’s something small like jewelry, you should probably do your damndest to make it work.
Megan: If it’s a dress you could easily get out of it by saying something like “I’m sorry, it doesn’t fit.”
Sarah: If she pushes the issue, you need to stand up to her. Give her a way to gracefully accept your decline by saying something along the lines of “I’m sorry it doesn’t fit, doesn’t go with how I’ve imagined my wedding, but thank you so much for offering. It really means a lot to me.” Maybe if the veil or dress is salvageable you could alter it to how you want it.
Brittany: Ah yes, I can see it now. The in-laws having a shit fit as you walk down the aisle in a mutilated version of their family heirloom.
Megan: Don’t forget, you could always pull the “grandkid” card. “You’ll let me cut up that veil or you’ll never see your grandchildren!”
Sarah: Also a good idea! Ladies who are already on shaky grounds with their in-laws, use the grandkid card. There’s nothing like threatening them with the unborn generation.*
*thats a joke...you know...probably...